Is that even a real thing? It has to be right? Not just bonus mom guilt, but any kind of mom guilt. Let me elaborate. In our household, and in our situation all together, I am considered the primary caregiver. With a 7 and 7 schedule, no matter who’s week it is chances are I’m doing the errands and the running around. School conferences and meetings? Check! Doctor’s appointments and shots? All me! There are a series of events that happened to put us in this place and I’m totally fine with taking on these responsibilities. I said that to say this: I am an extremely hands on parent.
Now with being such a hands on parent a strange shift happened and I’m not exactly sure when it happened but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it happened gradually. I rarely ever do anything or spend money on myself. I can go to a store and drop a buttload of money on things the kids need. Clothes, treats, taking them out for ice cream or to Cheddar’s (their favorite place to eat) when they earn it and not bat an eye. Shopping for something my husband wants or needs? I’m totally enthused about it. He works extremely hard to provide for us and without a doubt deserves it. But when it comes to myself….No way….NOT HAPPENING! Why you may ask? I have no idea. I never used to be this way before my husband and I got together. Now granted, my ex husband and I were married for 13 years and had no children. He was in the Marine Corps and gone more often than he was home. That, coupled with my fertility issues, and it just wasn’t meant to be. That being said, we had no one but ourselves to worry about supporting or caring for. Our responsibilities were to each other. That seems like a different life and I guess in a way it is. My life is completely changed now as am I. I now have 5 people that depend on me, 4 of them being adolescent children. And as we all know, as moms we don’t have the luxury of just up and going on a shopping spree. At least not the 70% middle class families like ourselves.
But today I did it. I went out and made a purchase for myself. I decided to buy myself a digital camera. It was investment that I knew needed to be made between my small business and preparing to take my private investigator’s exam (a GOOD digital camera with the ability to take long range shots is part of the necessary equipment) I decided it was time. I spoke to my husband about it, did my research and decided on a Nikon Coolpix B500. This morning the kids and I got dressed and set out to go buy it. It took me going to three different stores because the first two were out of stock (thanks Santa!) but I finally found a Target that had it. I was super excited, brought it to the counter and paid for it. With the warranty included the total came out to a whopping $284. Now look, I know that $284 for a quality brand digital camera with a 4.6 star review is not bad AT ALL. In fact it’s pretty much a steal. I grabbed my bag with the kids in tow and headed through the parking lot to my car. I didn’t even make it to the exit doors before the guilt had taken over. Did I really just spend that much money on myself? There had to have been something more important or much needed that this amount of money could have spent on. Now keep in mind all of the bills are paid with money to spare, but y’all I still felt horrible!
I called my husband to let him know that I found the one I was looking for and that I was thinking of returning it because of how much I spent, and in true Steve fashion basically said ‘of course you are and woman don’t you dare return that camera’. I got home, unboxed it, and fell completely in love with it. But in the back of my mind I still have this nagging feeling that the money could have gone to something else.
I can’t be the only person that goes through this. How do we stop it?
LIFE OVERLOAD 